Halloween 77

The Palladium, NYC—October 31, 1977

  1. Halloween 1977 Show Start/Introductions 3:11
  2. Peaches En Regalia 2:42
  3. The Torture Never Stops 13:54
  4. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:35
  5. City Of Tiny Lites 8:17
  6. Pound For A Brown 13:40
  7. The Demise Of The Imported Rubber Goods Mask 8:33
  8. Bobby Brown Goes Down 3:49
  9. Conehead (Instrumental) 8:21
  10. Flakes 3:04
  11. Big Leg Emma 1:58
  12. Envelopes 2:25
  13. Terry's Halloween Solo 4:38
  14. Disco Boy 3:55
  15. Läther 3:58
  16. Wild Love 30:11
  17. Titties 'N Beer 7:24
  18. Halloween Audience Participation 7:04
  19. The Black Page #2 2:55
  20. Jones Crusher 2:58
  21. Broken Hearts Are For Assholes 3:52
  22. Punky's Whips 11:23
  23. Halloween Encore Audience 2:07
  24. Dinah-Moe Humm 6:41
  25. Camarillo Brillo 3:24
  26. Muffin Man 5:21
  27. San Ber'dino 5:01
  28. Black Napkins 9:19

 

1. Halloween 1977 Show Start/Introductions 3:11

includes quotations from It's Only A Paper Moon (Arlen/Harburg) and Dance Of The Cuckoos (Hatley)

(. . . two . . . one, two, three . . .)

Alright! Happy Halloween! . . . Alright. Calm down, now. Calm down . . . I'd like to introduce the members of our rocking teenage combo to you tonight. Patrick O'Hearn on bass; Adrian Belew on guitar; Tommy Mars on keyboards; little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio on drums; Peter Wolf on keyboards; and Ed Mann on percussion. And what is my name? . . . No, all together now. One, two, three, four . . . Not bad. Not bad. It's nice to have an a— It's nice to have a little identity in the world of rock. I suppose you're ready, and we will now begin . . .

2. Peaches En Regalia 2:42

 

3. The Torture Never Stops 13:54

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair
A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away
Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day;
An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops, yeah
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops

Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor
Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door
Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain
An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop where the blood goes down the drain;
An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there
He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first
The loins 'n the groins is soon dispersed
His carvin' style is well rehearsed
He stands and shouts, alright!
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
And disagree, no-one durst
He's the best of course of all the worst
(He's the best of course of all the worst)
Some wrong been done, he done it first
(Some wrong been done, he done it first)

An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops,
In the night of the iron sausage,
Where the torture never stops, yeah
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops

Alright! You people wanna get tortured tonight? . . . You will!

Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
Who are all these people that he's locked away down there
Are they crazy?
Are they sainted?
Are they zeros someone painted?
It has never been explained since at first it was created
But a dungeon just like a sin
Requires naught but lockin' in
Of everything that's ever been
Look at her
(With the tongue over there!)
Look at him
(That meatball with the little hat!)
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in

4. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:35

includes a quotation from Dog Patch Creeper (Valenzuela/Valenzuela)

Hey! I'm only fourteen
Sickly 'n thin
Tried all of my life
Just to grow me a chin
It popped out once
Yeah, but my dad pushed it in
Tell me, why did he hurt me?
Lord, he's my next of kin . . .
He's a mex-i-kin

I'm lonely 'n green;
Too small for my shirt
If Simmons was here
I could feature my hurt
Scared of the future
'N I hope I don't grow
Listen, nobody likes me
'Cause everywhere that I go
They say NO
They say NO
They say NO
NO
They say NO

Now I'm older
Got a place in the town, babe
Got a chin on my shoulder
'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down
I'm horny 'n lonely
'N I wish I was dead
Somebody tell me
Why am I livin'?
Lord, I wanna be dead instead
That's right, I said
I wanna be dead instead
Now dig this:

I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Get the picture?)
I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
(Aw!)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Yes, I wanna be dead instead)
In bed
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Be dead in bed, yeah)
I wanna be dead
In bed
(Well, just as sure as my name is Terry Ted, Terry Ted)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Kill me)
I wanna be dead
(Thrill me)
In bed
(Fill me)
Please kill me
(With some love)
'Cause that would thrill me
(Kill me)
I wanna be dead
(Thrill me)
In bed
(Wah-OW!)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me

One more time for the world!

I wanna be dead
(Yeah-hey!)
In bed
(I wanna be dead instead)
Please kill me
(Be dead in bed)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Love my little girl)
In bed
(Gimme some head, hey-hey-hey)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
('Cause I'm only fourteen)
In bed
(Sickly 'n green)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Feelin' really lean
I'm in love, see
Ow!)
I wanna be dead
(Too small for my shirt)
In bed
(Feature my hurt)
Please kill me
(Yeah-hey!)
'Cause that would thrill me

5. City Of Tiny Lites 8:17

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eat

City of tiny lites
Hey, maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere
You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Hey, tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat

And it's over there
And it's over there
And it's over there
And it's over there

6. Pound For A Brown 13:40

Tommy:
Watch him eat
And while he's eating
Talk to him
While he's eating
And ask him what he's doing

Patrick: What's he doing?
FZ: He's eating.

Tommy:
Now
Ask
Him what he's doing

FZ: Talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing.

Tommy:
He's eating

FZ: What's he doing?

Tommy:
He's eating

FZ: What is he doing?

Tommy:
He's eating

FZ: What is he doing?

Tommy:
He's eating

FZ: He's eating, isn't he?

Tommy:
He sure is

FZ: Now, watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating, and ask me what he's doing. What's he doing?

Tommy:
He's eating

FZ: Ask me again.

Tommy:
What's he
Do-ing?

FZ: What's the answer?

Adrian & Audience: He's eating.

FZ: You don't know what that means yet, but wait till the movie is finished.

FZ: What's he doing? . . . That's what I thought.

7. The Demise Of The Imported Rubber Goods Mask 8:33

includes a quotation from You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby (Warren/Mercer)

Roy: Oh . . . Woah . . . Oh . . . Oh-ah-woah . . .
Patrick: You don't say.
Roy: Oh . . . oh hah hah . . . It must have been a police [...] . . .
FZ: Where is the gas mask?
?: It's eating.
FZ: It's right there. Oh, good.
Patrick: It's nothing to watch, Frank.
FZ: Give me the gas mask.
Roy: I had too much. Oh ho ho . . .
FZ: Thank you. Thank you, doctor.
Roy: I had too much.
FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Estrada . . . This is the part of our program that is dedicated to the theory that Grand Opera is not dead, it just smells funny . . . We're now going to perform a piece—this is the tragic part of a very— Huh? Wait, wait, what'd he say?. . . Turn off the light? No! We can't turn off the light because we're making movies of you . . . What, you guys don't wanna be in the movie? . . . Hey, put them in the movie.
Roy: Oh . . . oh, be on the, be on the movie, be on, be on, be on the mo-vie, be on the . . .
FZ: Right!
Roy: Be on the movie . . .
FZ: That's why the lights are on, you understand? Even up there, get those people up there in the movie. And those people over there need to be in the movie too . . . Alright, now, look. Now that you all realize that you are in the movie—and I'm glad that you're in the movie—forget about the light. You can do it with the lights on—I've done it myself a number of times—it's a lot of fun. Now sit down . . . Now, let's get serious, folks, this is Grand Opera time—this is our Halloween Grand Opera . . . I mean, you don't wanna have a regular Halloween, do you? Right. You want the best. You deserve the best. You're gonna get the best. Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Estrada and the Demise of the Imported Rubber Goods Mask.
Roy: Too much, too much, monkey, too much, too much . . . Oh, looord . . .
FZ: In this scene, a lonely boy of European extraction . . . is falling in love with a sexually aroused gas mask.
Roy: Hee haw hee! Hee haw hee! Hee haw heeee! Hoo. Hee-oo. Oh . . . It's all . . . Ah, bee, why, bee, why, wing, brown, cack, crack, oh, oh, just . . . oh hee oh eee. "You must have been a beautiful baby, baby" . . . Please. Please, anybody. Please help me, please help. Please help me. Please help . . . Please help . . . Heh hu heh uh . . . ha ha ha ha ha . . . You— (cough) You did it. You. I can't. I can't. I can't can't. Oh oh oh oh . . . Please, please, oh, it's gone, it's gone. I can't, Frankie, I can't. I can't do . . . I can't . . . I can't . . . Heh heh heh heh a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .

Roy . . .
Roy . . .

FZ: What's he doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing.
?: What are you doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: What you're doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: Now listen, I'll tell you one more time. Watch him eat, and while he's eating (ah, go fuck yourself). Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing. What you're doing?
Roy: He's reading.
FZ: No, he's not reading, he's eating. Now, I'll tell ya again. Watch—
Roy: He's eating.
FZ: That's right, he's eating.
Roy: I know it.
FZ: I know, ok. One big loud noise! . . . You go back there . . . watch the wire . . . oh, no wonder! His microphone was disconnected, oh . . . Wait a minute . . . Was that coming out at all? Could you hear what he was saying at all? Oh, I hope that wasn't wasted! It wasn't wasted? Good.

8. Bobby Brown Goes Down 3:49

includes a quotation from By The Beautiful Sea (Carroll/Atteridge)

The name of this song is "Bobby Brown Goes Down."

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm
Actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
Get a good job 'n be real rich

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
She tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream . . .

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it, I want to do this right. I'm thinking about—wait a minute, hold it, wait a minute—when somebody—wait a minute—when somebody hands me panties and a brassière with a note, I gotta read it. Okay. "Frank, came all the way from Canada to see four shows. They're fantastic. Please play 'Bobby Brown' and some Läther or 'Enema Bandit.' Love . . . Lacy, Tracy and Richard. Hi, Adrian (spelled wrong)," and then it says, "'Jewish Princess' was great." Okay.

Oh God I am the American dream
Now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which

So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
As long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown . . .

Watch me now, because the name of this song is "Conehead." One, two, three, four . . .

9. Conehead (Instrumental) 8:21

And the name of this song is "Flakes."

10. Flakes 3:04

Flakes! Flakes!
Flakes! Flakes!

They don't do no good
They never be workin'
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They're wastin' mine
California's got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them

Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the Flakes

Flakes! Flakes!

They can't fix yer brakes
You ask 'em, "Where's my motor?"
"Well, it was eaten by snakes . . . "
You can stab 'n shoot 'n spit
But they won't be fixin' it
They're lyin' an' lazy
They can be drivin' you crazy

Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
(Take it away, Bob . . . )

I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by Friday
Well, the whole damn weekend
Came 'n went, Frankie
(Wanna buy some acid, Bob?)
You know I don't do that stuff
I write my songs on a typewriter

Well, you know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat 'n rob you
'N they'll send you a bill
That'll get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
'Til your head'll go through th' ceilin'
Yes it will!
Just like in [...]!

11. Big Leg Emma 1:58

There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out

There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She was my steady date
Until she put on weight

Dip!
Too-koo-too koo-too-koo
Too-koo-too too-koo-too

Dip!
Boogedy boogedy
Boogedy boogedy

There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out
And then I said . . .

12. Envelopes 2:25

And the name of this song is "Envelopes."

13. Terry's Halloween Solo 4:38

Terry: I might as well do this now. Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating, and ask me what he's doing.
FZ: What's he doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
Terry: He's eating. Now ask me what he's doing.
FZ: What's he doing?
Terry: He's eating.
FZ: What's he doing?
Terry: He's eating!
FZ: Play your drums.
Terry: Thank you.

14. Disco Boy 3:55

Disco Boy
Run to the toilet, honey,
Comb your hair

Disco Boy
Pucker your lips,
'N check your shoulders,
'Cause some dandruff might be
Hidin' there!

Disco Boy,
You're the DISCO KING!
Aw, the Disco-Thing
Made you think
Someday,
That you
Just might GO SOMEWHERE!

Disco Girl!
You're 'out-a-site'!
You need a Disco Boy
To treat you right
He'll do a little dance;
Take you home tonight
(Leave his hair alone,
But you can kiss his comb)
(Ah, kiss his comb now!
Get all the flakes off of it!)

Disco Boy!
Run to the toilet, honey,
Comb your hair

Disco Boy!
Shake it more than three times 'n yer playin' with it
(WOW!)
While yer standin' there!

Disco Boy!
Do the Bump every night, 'til the Disco Girl
Who's REALLY RIGHT
Gonna fall for yer line,
'N feed you a box fulla
Chicken Delight!
(Ah, eat it up now!)

Disco chit-chat; so demure!
Pump that booty all across the floor!
A disco drink
A disco wink
"You never go doody!"
(That's what you think)
"You never go doody!"
(That's what you think)
"You never go doody!"
(That's what you think)

Doody
Ah, go doody
Doody
You never go doody

ROCK 'N ROLL!

Disco Boy!
You got one more chance
To comb your hair again

Disco Boy!
They're closin' the bar,
And she's leavin' with your friend!

Disco Boy,
That's the way it goes,
So wipe your nose,
'N try it again,
To get a little pussy tomorrow!
(I know you can do it)

Disco Boy,
No one understands,
But thank THE LORD
That you still got hands
To help you do that jerkin' that'll
Blot out yer Disco Sorrow!
(That's right)

It's Disco Love tonight
Make sure you look all right
It's Disco Love tonight
Make sure you look all right
Awright!

15. Läther 3:58

includes the intro from Wild Love

 

16. Wild Love 30:11

includes a section from Sinister Footwear 2nd Movement, variations on Bowling On Charen and a quotation from Pound For A Brown

Many well-dressed people
In several locations
Are kissing quite a bit
(Yea-ah!)
Later in the evening
Leaves will fall
Tears will flow
Wind will blow
Some rain; some snow
A fireplace maybe
A kiss or two
And down they'll go
But that's the way it goes sometimes
You just might find yerself in the clutches of some
Wild Love

Mama stroked his dinger
Daddy got a stinky finger
In those days of long ago
(Yeah-ah!)
Later in the evening
She'd complain
They'd refrain
He'd go home 'n hone his bone
A tragic case maybe
But also true
I'm sure you know
That's the way it goes sometimes
You just might find yourself in the clutches of some
Wild Love

Now'days you get dressed up
'N later you get messed up
But still you're pretty hip
(Yeah-ah!)
Later in the evening
You'll explain
She'll remain
You're real modern
She's the same
A frantic pace maybe
But who's to say
Where it will go

Adrian: Watch him while he's eating. Talk to me while he's eating. What is he doing?
Patrick: He's eating, you jerk!
Adrian: You sure he's eating? I thought I was playing the guitar! I don't know . . .

17. Titties 'N Beer 7:24

includes quotations from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton) and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (Ingle)

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
Heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . .
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

FZ: How 're you doin'?

I noticed even the crickets
Actin' weird up here
'N so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . "
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone . . .

"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . .
He's about this big . . .

He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright,
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofabitch!"
'Cause I was mad at him,
He just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter,
Said: BANG BANG BANG

Then the sucker just laughed 'n said:

Terry:
Put it away . . .
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

FZ:
You ate my Chrissy?

Terry:
Yeah! Titties 'n all!

FZ:
Well, what about the beer then?

Terry:
Now, were the cans this tall?

FZ:
Even her boots?

Terry:
Would I lie to you?

FZ:
Shit, you musta been hungry!

Terry:
Yeah! This is true.

FZ:
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?

Terry:
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through . . .

FZ:
Well I want my Chrissy.

Terry:
Oh yeah?

FZ:
'N I want my beer
So you just barf it back up
Now, Devil, do you hear?

Terry:
Look— Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil,
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . .

FZ:
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore

Terry:
Don't call me that!

FZ:
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . .
Gimme that paper . . . bet yer horns I'll sign . . .
Because I need a beer,
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!

Terry:
Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . .

FZ:
Oh, yeah?

Terry:
Why, you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . .
There was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . .
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . .

FZ:
Let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're supposed to be the Devil so . . .
Whatcha gonna do, huh?

Terry: Now hold on just a second . . . you wanna make a deal with me, hah?
FZ: Yeah!
Terry: Well ah, I don't know man, you know . . . I just don't know about this . . .
FZ: What?
Terry: See, 'cause, uh . . .
FZ: Losing your . . . are you losing your nerve?
Terry: No man, it ain't got nothin' to do with nerve . . . It's got to do . . .
FZ: You're supposed to be the Devil! You're supposed to be bad!
Terry: It's got to do with style, fool! I don't know if you're the right style to get into Hell, you know . . .
FZ: Well, actually, to tell you . . . tell you the honest to God truth, I'm very short on style as a matter of fact . . .
Terry: Yeah, I know . . . that's, that's what makes me wonder.
FZ: But lemme . . . But I have . . . I, I think I have something that you may be interested in . . .
Terry: What is that?

FZ:
You can have my soul
It's a mean little sucker
'Bout a thousand years old
But once you gets it
You can't give it back
You gotta keep it forever
An' that's a natural fact!

Terry: Ooh wee!
FZ: Do you read me devil?
Terry: Oh yeah! What? Am I supposed to be scared, man?
FZ: Oh yeah, Reety aw-righty?
Terry: Oh yeah, that's real tough! I bet you're real bad! Listen fool, you got to prove to me that you're rough enough to get into Hell, that you got the style enough to get into Hell, so start talkin' . . .
FZ: Alright, lemme tell ya somethin'.
Terry: Alright!
FZ: I'll prove to you that I'm bad enough to go to Hell.
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: Because I have been through it!
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: I have seen it!
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: It has happened to me!
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: Remember, I WAS SIGNED WITH WARNER BROTHERS FOR EIGHT FUCKIN' YEARS!!!
Terry: Tell me about it! Now you're talkin' my language!
FZ: Now how bad is that?
Terry: That sounds good to me, motherfucker!

FZ: A— And not only that! I know Mo Austin personally!
Terry: Oh, no!
FZ: Yeah!
Terry: No!
FZ: I've been personally abused by Mo Austin.
Terry: You don't know Mo Austin personally.
FZ: Yeah!
Terry: You haven't been personally abused by Mo Austin.
FZ: You know him too, don't ya?
Terry: Listen, man . . .
FZ: What? . . . Say it louder!
Terry: That fool is my brother.
FZ: Say it louder! . . . That's right, you got the right idea. Thank you— Oh, just what I need. Thank you. Hey, look, I'll— I'll show you how bad I am, look at this—look at this.
Terry: I can't see.
FZ: You know—Yep. Have you ever been to Japan?
Terry: Have I ever been to Japan?
FZ: Yeah.
Terry: Just once, yes.
FZ: You were over there on that lucky l— lucky deal, alright?
Terry: Yeah . . .
FZ: Okay, look. Let me tell ya.
Terry: Oh, no . . .
FZ: This do anything for ya?
Terry: Is that Rodan or Woody Woodpecker?
FZ: Hah hah . . . Is a little bit of both.
Terry: Yeah.
FZ: It's Rody Woodpecker, actually.
Terry: Hah!
FZ: Am I getting my point across to? Because this song is going on for far too long—these people want rock, you know?
Terry: Okay, man. So move right along, tell me what your interests are, you know . . . if we're gonna come to some kind of agreement, I've got to know what you're all about, you know . . . 'Cause I don't know if you're the right cat for the . . . for the place, you know.
FZ: Look . . . lemme tell you what my problem really is, you see.
Terry: Okay . . .
FZ: My problem is that I don't belong anywhere.
Terry: A-ha . . .
FZ: You see . . . I don't even belong where you are, you see.
Terry: I hope not!
FZ: I, I'm a simple person, you know, I have very small desires in life, Titties 'n beer, you know.
Terry: No! What?
FZ: Titties 'n beer!
Terry: No! No man, you're joking . . .
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: What? No!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: No please . . . No! Not that!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: Oh no man, no, please, ARGH!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: No! No! No! No!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, ti-dit-de-dunt de-dunt de-dunt . . .
Terry: No! Not titties 'n beer!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: Oh, I can't stand titties 'n beer! . . .
FZ: Ay-ya hey-yah! Ah-titties 'n beer, ah-titties 'n beer, ah-titties 'n beer, ah-titties 'n . . . (I'M IN YOU!) . . . titties 'n beer . . . (I'M IN YOU!)
Terry: Oh no! No! No! Wait . . .
FZ: Ah! Look at this! What am I gonna do with this thing?
Terry: . . . Wait, wait, please no!
FZ: Hey! Look at this!

Terry:
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think . . .
Hold on a second, boy . . .
'Cause that's Magic Ink!

Then the Devil barfed
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'
All around the world, she said:

"I GOT THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS,
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

Then she gave us the finger,
It was rigid 'n stiff,
That's when the Devil, she farted
An' she went right over the cliff

The Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Alright!

18. Halloween Audience Participation 7:04

includes quotations from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), The Third Man Theme (Karas), Dance Of The Cuckoos (Hatley), Song Of The Volga Boatmen (Trad.), Disco Boy, It's Only A Paper Moon (Arlen/Harburg), Ach du lieber Augustine (Trad.), Ain't Misbehavin' (Waller/Brooks/Razaf), Entry Of The Gladiators (Fučík), and Stranger In Paradise (Borodin)

FZ: You know what time is, don't you? . . . I— 'Cause know a lot of you people I s— I see the same people here tonight that I've seen for many of these shows . . . and I re— I really appreciate the fact that you came back. Thank you. Okay. This is—for those of you who haven't been here before—this is Audience Participation Time. Now, tonight, since this is Halloween, we're gonna— Hi, there! You're a cute girl. Come up here . . . Yeah, you. Come here . . . Hi. What's your name?
Janet The Planet: Janet The Planet.
FZ: Jan The Plan?
Janet The Planet: Janet The Planet.
FZ: Janet The Planet? Janet, hold this. I'm pleased to meet you by the way. Thank you. Okay, Janet is going to administer discipline to a couple of members of the audience. Hey . . . You want some? Okay, come on. Don't step on him, here. What's your name?
John: Hey, my name is John.
FZ: Alright, John. Janet, how d'you feel about John?
Janet The Planet: It's fun.
FZ: Janet . . .
Janet The Planet: I'd like to request a friend's presence.
FZ: You wanna request a friend's presence?
Janet The Planet: Yes.
FZ: What's the friend's name?
Janet The Planet: Her name is Donna U Wanna.
FZ: Donna U Wanna? Would Donna U Wanna, please, step to the podium. It's Donna U Wanna, hey . . . And what is this in the bottle? What is— Yoo-Hoo, oh, hey . . .
Donna U Wanna: Hi!
FZ: Ok. Are you gonna be her assistance in this abusage here? Ok, here's what you do. Do we have any oth— Do we have a utensil for Donna U Wanna? Is there any? Do you take this? Is there anything that Donna U Wanna can use to whip this poor boy? Where's the whip? . . . Okay! This, this is a real whip. Hey, this is Halloween, we don't fuck around! Alright . . . Hey, relax, there's plenty— We're gonna have plenty of fun 'n games up here during Audience Participation Time, okay? Uh, would that young lady please come up here, that one there, yes, send her right on up. You were here last night for "Disco Boy." You were the one I was going, "You never go doody, that's what you think," that's right. Okay. Now, just relax. Just hold yourself in abeyance momentarily because we have to get on with Phase One of Audience Participation! You, with the white. You, come up here. You. Okay. Now. You're sure you want this?
John: I don't know if I can go through with this if that's a real whip.
FZ: It's a real whip!
John: A real whip!
FZ: You can, look, you can quit if you want.
John: No, no, I'll go . . .
FZ: You . . .
John: Just hit me softly, hit me softly.
FZ: No, uh-um . . . yeah . . .
John: Yeah, that's right, I know . . . Okay, go all the way!
FZ: Alright . . . hi, there, what's your name?
Chris: Chris! That's Chris!
FZ: Pleased to meet you, Chris. Okay.
Angel: What about me, you know?
FZ:Wait a minute, what is your name?
Angel: Angel.
FZ: Angel, my God . . . now look, this, this guy here who looks so . . . What? . . . Oh, waitiminnit. Oh, how fun . . . now, listen. This guy here, as, you John, you really asked for it, he thought we were just gonna had fun up here. John. They're going to beat the living shit out of John tonight. Okay. Now, John, I want you to make yourself comfortable . . . alright. Just put the, there you go, John. Now, sit, make yourself comfortable on any place on the stage. You shouldn't stand up for this because it'll take too much energy. Better to just lie down on your, there, there on the side, that's it. Okay. Now. What you're watching here tonight is not merely Audience Participation, it is a re-enactment of the sum total of modern civilization. John represents the abused, down-trodden artists of the world . . . Here we have the president of Warner Bros. Records, the head of the Warner Bros. legal department, and two famous attorneys from Gang, Tyre & Brown. Okay. Give him his contract!

FZ: Hey, John, more agony! More agony, John! This really hurts, John! It's terrible. It's painful. Get down, John. John, you're a wonderful actor. An academy award is yours, John. Plead.
Roy: Dominus vobisc— biscum . . .
FZ: Alright, John, John, hold it, hold it, hold it. Alright, wait a minute. No, just a moment. John, hey, John, okay, John . . .
My name is Frank Zappa. I have a new— I have a new record company, it's called Zappa Records, it's gonna be distributed by Mercury Phonogram, and since Warner Bros. was so mean to you, I think we can arrange to give you a record contract with a fair deal. Yeah, you. You've been through it. You've already been through with Warner Bros. You give up on them, right? Fuck the guy with the big black button, you know what I mean? Alright. Now look . . . Yeah, some of them are scratchy, yeah . . . Can you dance?
John: Yeah, I can dance.
FZ: Are you good? Wait a minute . . .
John: . . . Can-Can. The Can-Can.
FZ: The Can . . . The Can-Can? Wait a minute. Can you guys dance? You can . . .
Janet The Planet: In a horizontal position.
FZ: You can, oh, hey! Say that again, wait a minute. I've just asked this girl if she can dance and she said:
Janet The Planet: In a horizontal position.
John: Frank!
FZ: What?
John: You don't wanna wear this, do ya?
FZ: . . . no, hell, no. My nose is big enough already. Alright! This is chaos, stop it! Stop! Stop! Alright. It is now time to get into the meat of our performance, and that is the Dance Contest. Now, last night we had ten people up on the stage, maybe twelve, who knows. They were dancing and twirling and trying to keep the beat to "The Black Page #2." Unfortunately, this stage is too small to accommodate the type of spectacle that I wanna put into this film. We don't want just a few people on the stage, we want everybody in the audience trying to dance to this stupid song, so stand up! Stand up! Stand up! Alright! Everybody dance to this song, but remember, hey, keep, keep, keep the aisles clear, keep the aisles clear, you never, you never know when there's gonna be an emergency. Okay. The name of this song is "The Black Page #2." One, two, three, four!

19. The Black Page #2 2:55

The name of this song is "The Black Page #2." One, two, three, four!

20. Jones Crusher 2:58

My baby's got
Jones crushin' love
Jones crushin' love
Jones crushin' love
Well my baby's got
Jones crushin' love
Jones crushin' love
Jones crushin' love
She don't merely fit like a glove
Said that little girl's got the jones
That little girl's got the jones

She's tryin' to
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones
Well, she's tryin' to
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones
She don't never wanna leave it alone
She can push; she can shove
Till it's just a nub
She can push; she can shove
Till it's just a nub
It's just a nub
It's just a nub

Here she comes
With her red dress on
Steam shoots out
From the sprinklers on the lawn
Eyes be rollin'
On the concrete fawn
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone

Jones crusher, jones crusher
Deadly jaws, better get the gauze
She's a jones crusher, jones crusher
Deadly jaws, better get the gauze
She's a . . . mmmh . . . ouch!
Hey, look out for them the deadly jaws!
Aw, can you tell it, baby, OOOUUUCH!

Oh, jones . . .

21. Broken Hearts Are For Assholes 3:52

Alright! Now . . .
Hey! Do you know what you are?
You're an asshole! ASSHOLE!

Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see . . .
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole?
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole . . .

No no no, yeah yeah yeah
I said
You . . . are . . . an ASSHOLE!

Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
'N maybe you think you're too tough to cry
So you went to The Grape,
Just to give it a try
And Dagmar
(Hi, homo)
Was his name . . .
(Oh, Charlelle is back in town)
The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up
(Bigger, fatter and wetter than ever before)
Nearly drove you insane
(Nice)
And so you kissed a little sailor
(Reverend Buddy Love speaks now)
Who had just blew in from Spain
([...])
You pull the chain attached to the permanently-erected nipples of Jimmy
([...] not judge a home by his [...], scarf or haircut)
In a bold salute to pain
([...])
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
(Not only that, but [...] . . .)
And acted like it was cocaine
(. . . wristwatch or long fingernails [...])
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
In a way you can't explain
(Tomorrow night, Conan is back!)
And so you worked the wall with Michael
Conan!
(Two-hundred and forty-five kilos of hot Mexican dynamite, hah hah)
Gave your back an awful strain
(In an all nude, all new exotic exciting [...] all male wrestling)
But you came back on Sunday for the gong shows
But you forgot what I was sayin'
(Hah hah hah, nice . . .)
'Cause you're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, 'n you're an asshole

Well, now you been to The Chest, been to The Grape
Now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole

You say you can't live with what you've been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you
But don't fool yerself girl
It's lookin' at you
(That's right, Angel)
Don't fool yerself girl
It's winkin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(P. F.)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(P. F.)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(B. L.)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(Fist Fuck)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(Ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(Ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poooop chute
(Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer . . .

Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . .

22. Punky's Whips 11:23

includes a quotation from Isn't It Romantic? (Rodgers/Hart)

(Mmm . . . hah hah hah . . . Leather . . .)

In today's rapidly changing world rock groups appear every fourteen or fifteen minutes, utilizing some new promotional device. Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers. (True.) One such case is seated before you: non other than little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio, that cute little drummer! Terry recently fell in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows (Oh Punky!). Lead guitar player from a group called Angel. In the photograph, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus, the sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!

I can't stand the way he pouts
'Cause he might not be pouting for me!

Patrick: Al Santos thinks that Bonnie Prince Johnny is gay. Hah hah . . .
Terry: Oh, Punky, please be pouting for me.
Patrick: Hey, Terry, what do you think about that?

His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'Til I squirm with ecstasy

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . .

Oh, Punky, isn't it romantic?

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . .
I promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the shits
It's all wrong . . .

I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!

Punky's whips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips
I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . .
PUNKY
(What is it, you homo?)
You're an ANGEL . . . you're too much
(Oh God . . .)

(The voice of my thoughts
In my lonely teen-age room)
He's been havin' a rash
(No shit)
That keeps the girls away
(It's true)
Skin doom
(Skin doom!)
Is what the doctors say
(And that makes me wonder)

I wonder if Punky is rehearsin' today
I'll just go over 'n hear him play
His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
But . . .
I AIN'T QUEER
I AIN'T GAY
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array
A wrist array)
That's all it is, I swear

Punky's lips, Punky's lips
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NIGHT LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!

I AIN'T QUEER
(No no no no!)
I AIN'T GAY
(No no no no!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array
Wrist array)
(And then he told me now:)
I AIN'T QUEER!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T GAY!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array

I-I, Lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on, Punky!
Give me your lips!
Right on my penis-tip!

Patrick O'Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann! Thanks for comin' to the show!

23. Halloween Encore Audience 2:07

Awright . . . I wanna tell you one more time, I wanna thank you, because I really appreciate this . . . Okay, alright, alright, alright . . . okay, look, no . . . there's, there's no way that I can show my appreciation to you. But lis— but n— let's not get maudlin about this . . .

24. Dinah-Moe Humm 6:41

includes quotations from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton)

The name of this song is "Dinah-Moe Humm." One, two, three, four . . .

I couldn't say where she's coming' from,
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

Strolled on over, say look here, bum,
I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum
(No way! Y'jes can't do it)

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum,
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)

Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm,
Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
(Oo-hah . . .)

Got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta be out of it
To get myself into it
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it

(She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said . . . and here's what she said . . .)

Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up,
Well, then my body don't care

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?

The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet

I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked her if she had any cooties in there

(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin'
(BUNS UP!)
I was wheelin' an dealin'
(WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!)
She surrender to the feelin'
(SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED)
An' she started in to squealin'

Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
Her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Until Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline . . .

I said,
Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
That's right!
You know why?
Because obviously it was angora
And then I said,
Would you all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?

Brian: Frank, Frank . . . up on stage, up on stage, Frank . . .
FZ: What?
Brian: Take me up man, I want . . .
FZ: Take you up?
Brian: Yeah!
FZ: Sure! . . . Wait a minute, now that you're up on stage, what's your name?
Brian: Brian Rivera.
FZ: Are you having a OK Halloween, Brian?
Brian: I'm having an excellent time! Sing for Greenwich, man, Greenwich, Connecticut . . .
FZ: Alright now, I'll tell you what, Brian, do you know the words to this song?
Brian: Well, in a way, in a way . . .
FZ: OK, here's . . . Brian, this is your golden opportunity. This is the Frank Zappa Perform-Alike Contest, and here's what you're going to do: We're gonna play the song again and you're gonna pretend you're me, and you pretend to sing the song and dance all across the stage and give these people a very good Halloween show, would you?
Brian: Right! Yeah! Yeah!
FZ: OK, ready? Work! Work!

I couldn't say where she's coming' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
(Great!)

Strolled on over, say look here, bum,
I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum
(Y'jes can't do it)

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
(Nice . . .)

I don't mind that she called me a bum,
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)

Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
You know, I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm,
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
An' Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
An' Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Hey! How come you guys aren't singing it? Wait a minute, wait a minute . . .

Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
(That's right!)
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
(Give me that hat!)
Alright!

FZ: Alright, alright . . . What? "San Ber'dino"? No, no, not yet . . . I'll tell you what. Boy is this thing hard to hold on your head! Let's do another song . . . here . . .
Guy From The Audience: "San Ber'dino"!
FZ: No no, we'll do that later . . . Hey thanks man, you do a pretty good imitation of me . . . Nice fingernail polish! Really good! Really good! I like that . . . Let's wait, look at, show the camera, show the camera your fingernails . . . very good, nice . . . Alright! What's this? Thank you! What? OK! Thank you! Wait a minute! Ah . . . take these . . . OK!

25. Camarillo Brillo 3:24

One, two, three, four!

She had that
Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head,
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(Actually I was very busy then . . . )

And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away
Her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
(Okay, "Black Napkin.")

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way
Through her rancid panocha
(Joey Psychotic, ladies and gentlemen!)
She laid buck-nekkid
By the door
We did it till we were un-concho
(Hi, darling, how you doin'?)
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was (back up, back up!) anymore
(Hey, you're hurtin' Joey Psychotic!)
Yes, it was useless anymore
(Move back now!)

26. Muffin Man 5:21

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a . . . didn't know nuthin'
(Alright!)

Thanks for coming to the show . . . Now we're gonna do another song . . . 'Cause I— I promised that guy out there that we would do it . . .

27. San Ber'dino 5:01

Name of this song is "San Ber'dino."

She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato

She's in love with a boy
From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go

He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino

Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in Tank "C"
An' there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby

You might think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing

Looka there . . .
They don't care

Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o

Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
The rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Spend the rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down to San Ber'dino
60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
An' you can choke all day
Spend the rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino

Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no
Hey! ZULCH is the auto works
I'm tellin' you
That's where they take
All the cars that they hurt
Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ahh!
Brrrr . . .
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it
Hey!
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Got to call it)
San Ber'dino
(C'mere)
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino

Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato . . .

28. Black Napkins 9:19

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Thank you! Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank everyone of you, and good night.

 

All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted
Site maintained by Román García Albertos
http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/
Transcription for new material by Román
The parts that appear in Baby Snakes (The Movie) are printed this way
The parts that appear on original albums and not in the movie are printed this way
This page updated: 2019-04-19