all the words on the record

ABSOLUTELY FREE
THE COMPLETE LIBRETTO

ABSOLUTELY FREE

THE M. O. I. AMERICAN PAGEANT

both complete librettos to accompany the VERVE recording V/V6-5013 by THE MOTHERS of INVENTION.
words & music by FRANK ZAPPA
© 1967 FRANK ZAPPA MUSIC BMI
a subsidiary of
Third Story Music BMI

FOREWORD

Music has always shown how people think and feel, according to John Tasker Howard. He is probably right. The music of the MOTHERS speaks of the feelings of what might be described as THE VAST MINORITY. The feelings of the people on the fringe of everything . . . the ones who don't care if they're IN or OUT . . . don't care if they're HIP, HEP, SWINGIN' or ZORCH. This is the audience the MOTHERS want to reach . . . those few who have the power within themselves to cause or motiviate social change but have never used it for one reason or another. If you are reading this and understand it (even if you have short hair and watch TV 18 hours a day), it is time that you realized WHO and WHAT YOU ARE. It is time you realized what the words to our songs mean.

This album was recorded the week before Thanksgiving, November 1966 in Los Angeles at the Sunset-Highland Studios of T.T.G. Inc., in a series of 4 sessions (about 25 studio hours). It was edited and re-mixed in New York City at the MGM Studios in 5 sessions (about 35 studio hours) the following week. The album was finally released around May 26, 1967 . . . the reason for the delay? Partly because of this libretto. The original plan was to include within the album, the words in this brochure. The record company attempted to censor the words and a long involved discussion ensued. We were forced to manufacture this product.
The music itself took several years to compose (AMERICA DRINKS & GOES HOME was written in 1964 . . . most of the other segments were written before or shortly after FREAK OUT, our first album, was released in 1966). We hope that this material will help you to enjoy our work on a more personal level.

Thank you

Frank Zappa
for the MOTHERS of Invention

 

ABSOLUTELY FREE

(#1 In a Series of UNDERGROUND ORATORIOS)

SIDE ONE (total time 19:34)

EPISODE 1: "PLASTIC PEOPLE"

FRANK: Ladies & Gennelmen . . . the PRESIDENT of the
       UNITED STATES!
RAY: Fella Americans...DOOT, DOOT, DOOT...
FRANK: He's been sick.
RAY: DOOT! DOOT!
FRANK: And I think his wife is gonna bring him some chicken
       soup.
FRANK & RAY: PLASTIC PEOPLE
             OH BABY, NOW...
             YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG
FRANK: (I know it's hard to defend an unpopular policy every
       once in a while...)
FRANK & RAY: PLASTIC PEOPLE
             OH BABY, NOW
             YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG
FRANK: (And there's this guy from the CIA and he's creeping
       around Laurel Canyon...)
       A FINE LITTLE GIRL      SHE PAINTS HER FACE
       SHE WAITS FOR ME        WITH PLASTIC GOO
       SHE'S AS PLASTIC        AND WRECKS HER HAIR
       AS SHE CAN BE           WITH SOME SHAMPOO
FRANK & RAY: PLASTIC PEOPLE
             OH BABY, NOW
             YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG
FRANK: (I dunno...sometimes I just get tired of ya, honey...
       it's - - - Ah - - - your hair spray...or something.)
FRANK & RAY: PLASTIC PEOPLE
             OH BABY!
             YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG
FRANK: (I hear the sound of marching feet...down SUNSET
       BLVD. to CRESCENT HEIGHTS, and there, at PAN-
       DORA'S BOX, we are confronted with...a vast quan-
       tity of PLASTIC PEOPLE.)
       TAKE A DAY         THEN GO HOME
       AND WALK AROUND    AND CHECK YOURSELF
       WATCH THE NAZIS    YOU THINK WE'RE
       RUN YOUR TOWN        SINGING
                          'BOUT SOMEONE ELSE
                            ...but you're
FRANK & RAY: PLASTIC PEOPLE!
ROY: Woooooooooooooooooooh!
FRANK & RAY: OH BABY, NOW...
             YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG
RAY & ROY: Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo-Ooo Ooooooooh!
FRANK & RAY: ME SEE A NEON     I'M SURE THAT LOVE
             MOON ABOVE        WILL NEVER BE
             I SEARCHED FOR    A PRODUCT OF
               YEARS           PLASTICITY
             I FOUND NO LOVE   A PRODUCT OF
                               PLASTICITY
                               A PRODUCT OF
                               PLASTICITY:
FRANK: PLASTIC! PLASTIC PEOPLE!
       PLA-HA-HA-HA-HA...
       PLASTIC!
RAY: You are. Your foot. Your hair. Your nose. Your arms. You
     suck. You love. You are. Your being is...you're PLASTIC
     ...BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...plastic pepples...
FRANK: A prune is not a vegetable. Cabbage is a vegetable...
       makes it O.K. PLASTIC PEOPLE . . . PLASTIC
                        PEOPLE!
RAY: You dream of...you think only of...you eat...you
                     are...
FRANK: Ooo-Hoo-Hoo...etc.
RAY: PURPLE PRANCING. PLASTIC PEOPLE:
FRANK: Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-peep!

EPISODE 2a: "THE DUKE OF PRUNES"

introduction & allegro (2:12)
RAY: (first time slowly...second time fastly)
     A MOONBEAM THROUGH THE PRUNE
     IN JUNE
     REVEALS YOUR CHEST
     I SEE YOUR LOVELY BEANS
     AND IN THAT MAGIC GO-KART
     I BITE YOUR NECK
     THE CHEESE I HAVE FOR YOU
     MY DEAR
     IS REAL
     AND VERY NEW!
FRANK: (after the second time fastly) Doh-Doh-Doh Doh-Doh
       Doh!
RAY: PRUNE!
FRANK: Pah-Da-Dahhh!
RAY: IF IT IS A REAL PRUNE... 
FRANK: Pah-Da-Dahhh!
RAY: KNOWS NO CHEESE!
FRANK: Chunka Chunka Chunka...
RAY: AND STANDS...
FRANK: Oh No-o-o-o!
RAY: TALLER & STRONGER    AND I KNOW
     THAN ANY TREE        THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU
     OR BUSH!             WILL GROW & GROW &
                            GROW
                          I THINK
                          AND SO MY LOVE
                          I OFFER YOU
                          A LOVE THAT IS STRONG
                          A PRUNE THAT IS TRUE!

EPISODE 2b: AMNESIA VIVACE

(1:01)

(The dashing Duke is on his way home from a foot-ball game when he tries to make it with some cheerleaders who beat him in the face & armpits near the parking lot which leads to amnesia.)

RAY: LA LA LALA LA LA LALALA LAH LAH LAH LA LA
     LA LA LA LA OOOOOOOOH!
FRANK: CHUNKA CHUNKA CHUNKA
RAY: My darling . . . you mean so very much to me . . . I love
          you so deeply!
FRANK: LA LA LA LA LA LA etc.
       DUKE, DUKE, DUKE
       DUKE OF PRUNES
       PRUNES
RAY:  I'll never forget you, my darling . . . Oh I suppose I will
           eventually . . . In fact, I've already forgotten you . . . What
           was your name? Nice to see you again.
FRANK: AND YOU'LL BE MY DOUCHESS
       MY DOUCHESS OF PRUNES 

EPISODE 2c: TEMPO II--
THE DUKE REGAINS HIS CHOPS

RAY: A MOONBEAM THROUGH THE PRUNE
     IN JUNE
     REVEALS YOUR CHEST
     I SEE YOUR LOVELY BEANS
     AND IN THAT MAGIC GO-KART
     I BITE YOUR NECK
     THE CHEESE I HAVE FOR YOU
     MY DEAR
     IS REAL
     AND VERY NEW!
FRANK: NEW CHEESE!
RAY: PRUNES!
FRANK & ROY: Pah-Da-Dahhh!
RAY: IF THEY ARE FRESH PRUNES...
FRANK & ROY: Pah-Da-Dahhh!
RAY: KNOW NO CHEESE!
FRANK: Chunka Chunka Chinky Chunky Stinky Stanky...
RAY: AND THEY JUST LIE THERE
     DROWNING & SICKENING
     AND IT'S JUST...I DUNNO
     OH-H-H-H-H!
     AND I KNOW
     I THINK
     THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU
     WILL NEVER END
     Well...MAYBE
FRANK: WHAH!
RAY: AND SO MY LOVE
FRANK: I OFFER YOU
RAY: A LOVE THAT IS STRONG
     A PRUNE THAT IS TRUE!
ROY: Ha Ha!
FRANK: This is the exciting part...
RAY: It's like the SUPREMES...
FRANK: See the way it builds upS BABY BABY
                                 BABY BABY
RAY: D'ya feel it? MY PRUNE IS YOURS,
                   MY LOVE
                   MY CHEESE FOR YOU
FRANK: MY BABY PRUNE
       MY BABY CHEESE etc., etc.
RAY: YOU KNOW I DO
     MY DEAR
     I LOVE YOU etc., etc.

EPISODE 3a: "CALL ANY VEGETABLE"

(2:19)
RAY: CHEESY, CHEESY!
FRANK: (This is a song about vegetables . . . they keep you
              regular; they're real good for ya.)
RAY: CALL ANY VEGETABLE
     CALL IT BY NAME
     CALL ONE TODAY
     WHEN YOU GET OFF THE TRAIN
     CALL ANY VEGETABLE
     AND THE CHANCES ARE GOOD
     OOOOH! THAT THE VEGETABLE
     WILL RESPOND TO YOU
FRANK: (Some people don't go for prunes . . . I dunno . . . I've
              always found that if they . . . )
RAY: CALL ANY VEGETABLE
     PICK UP YOUR PHONE
     THINK OF A VEGETABLE
     LONELY AT HOME
     CALL ANY VEGETABLE
     AND THE CHANCES ARE GOOD
     THAT A VEGETABLE WILL RESPOND TO YOU-HOOOO
JIM: RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-
     BAYYYYY...
FRANK: (A prune is not a vegetable. Cabbage is a vegetable.)
RAY: NO ONE WILL KNOW
     IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LET 'EM KNOW
FRANK & RAY: NO ONE WILL KNOW
             'LESS IT'S YOU THAT MIGHT TELL 'EM SO
RAY: CALL AND THEY'LL COME TO YOU
     COVERED WITH DEW
FRANK & RAY: VEGETABLES DREAM
             OF RESPONDING TO YOU
RAY: STANDING THERE
     SHINY & PROUD BY YOUR SIDE
FRANK & RAY: HOLDING YOUR HAND
             WHILE THE NEIGHBORS DECIDE
             WHY IS A VEGETABLE
             SOMETHING TO HIDE?
             YAR-R-R-R-R-G-H!

EPISODE 3b: "INVOCATION & RITUAL DANCE of the YOUNG PUMPKIN

(6:57)

(A young pumpkin sacrifices herself dancing crazy and sweats: wiping it on the desk leading to amnesia.)

EPISODE 3c: "SOFT-SELL CONCLUSION & ENDING of SIDE. #1"

(1:40)
FRANK: A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the
              VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "What can i say?
              What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" But
              the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and
              tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS,
              WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS
              AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A
              NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow
              buddies . . . grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining
              your coolness together! Worshipping together in the
              church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA! Woh-oh-oh-
              ah-agh-h . . .
       CALL ANY VEGETABLE
       CALL IT BY NAME
       YOU GOTTA CALL ONE TODAY
       WHEN YOU GET OFF THE TRAIN
       CALL ANY VEGETABLE
       AND THE CHANCES ARE GOOD
       AR-R-H-R THAT THE VEGETABLE
       WILL RESPOND TO YOU...
       OH NO! Can you see them responding?
              The PUMPKIN is breathing hard:
              HUFFA PUFFA HUFFA PUFFA etc.
              what a pumpkin . . . 

THE M. O. I. AMERICAN PAGEANT

(#2 In a Series of UNDERGROUND ORATORIOS)

SIDE TWO (total time 18:35)

EPISODE 1: "AMERICA DRINKS"

(3:40)
FRANK: 1-2-Buckle my shoe...
RAY: Da Doop Doop Doop
FRANK & RAY: DA-DOOP DOOP DOOP
             DA-DOOPY DOOPY DOOPY DOOPY DIDDLY
             DOOPY etc.
FRANK: OH NO! OH NO-O-O!
RAY: I TRIED TO FIND
     HOW MY HEART
     COULD BE SO BLIND, (wanna buy some pencils?) DEAR
     HOW COULD I BE FOOLED
     JUST LIKE THE REST
     YOU CAME ON STRONG
     WITH YOUR FAST CAR
     AND YOUR CLASS RING
     SAD EYES & YOUR BRAN FLAKES
     I FELL FOR THE WHOLE THING
     I DON'T REGRET
     HAVING MET
     UP WITH A GIRL WHO BREAKS
     HEARTS LIKE THEY WERE
     NOTHING AT ALL (Here's one for MOTHER!)
     I'VE DONE IT TOO
     AND I KNOW
     JUST WHAT IT FEELS LIKE...

(There follows a magnificent orchestral ejaculation during which a few of you might fancy a peanut butter & jelly sandwich . . . THEN:)

EPISODE 2: "STATUS BACK BABY"

(2:52)
GROUP: Ooo-Ooo-Ooo etc., etc., AH-AH WA WA WA WA WA WA
       WAH!
FRANK & RAY: I'M LOSIN' STATUS AT THE HIGH SCHOOL
             I USED TO THINK THAT IT WAS MY
             SCHOOL...
GROUP: BOW WOW WOW WOW!
FRANK & RAY: I WAS THE KING OF EVERY SCHOOL
             ACTIVITY
             BUT THAT'S NO MORE...OH MAMA!
             WHAT WILL COME OF ME?
             THE OTHER NIGHT WE PAINTED
             POSTERS
             THEY PLAYED SOME RECORDS BY THE
             COASTERS
GROUP: BOW WOW WOW WOW!
FRANK & RAY: A BUNCH OF POM-POM GIRLS LOOKED
             DOWN THEIR NOSE AT ME. THEY HAD
             PAINTED TONS OF POSTERS; I HAD
             PAINTED THREE. I HEAR THE SECRET
             WHISPERS EVERYWHERE I GO
             MY SCHOOL SPIRIT IS AT AN ALL-TIME
             LOW...BLA-A-A-A!

(Rockin' sax solo . . . swingin' groovy guitar solo with group mumblings & clean fun . . . orgasmic ensemble statement . . . This whole section is very ZORCH & Solid Jackson . . . THEN: THE REST OF THE SONG)

FRANK & RAY: I'M LOSING STATUS AT THE HIGH SCHOOL
             I USED TO THINK THAT IT WAS MY
             SCHOOL...
GROUP: BOW WOW WOW WOW!
FRANK & RAY: EVERYONE IN TOWN KNOWS I'M A HAND-
             SOME FOOTBALL STAR
             I SING & DANCE & SPRAY MY HAIR &
             DRIVE A SHINY CAR
             I'M FRIENDLY & I'M CHARMING...I BE-
             LONG TO DE MOLAY
             I'M GONNA TRY LIKE MAD TO GET MY
             STATUS BACK TODAY!
             STATUS BACK BABY
             STATUS BACK BABY
             STATUS BACK BABY
             STATUS BACK BABY

EPISODE 3: "UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM"

(2:09)
RAY: I'm dreaming...
FRANK: OH NO-O-O!
       THERE'S A BOMB TO BLOW YO MOMMY UP
       A BOMB FOR YOUR DADDY TOO
RAY: (Ouch.)
FRANK: A BABY DOLL THAT BURPS & PEES
       A CASE OF AIRPLANE GLUE
JIM & ROY: A HUNGRY PLASTIC TROLL
RAY: TO SCARF YO BUDDY'S ARM
FRANK: A BOX OF UGLY PLASTIC THINGS MARKED:
GROUP: UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM!
FRANK: THERE'S A LITTLE PLASTIC CONGRESS
       THERE'S A NATION YOU CAN BUY
RAY: (I'll take two.)
FRANK: THERE'S A DOLL THAT LOOKS LIKE MOMMY
       SHE'LL DO ANYTHING BUT CRY
RAY: (I seen her.)
FRANK: THERE'S A DOLL THAT LOOKS LIKE DADDY
GROUP: HE'S A FUNNY LITTLE MAN
FRANK: PUSH A BUTTON & ASK FOR MONEY
GROUP: THERE'S A DOLLAR IN HIS HAND
RAY: (Check his wallet.)
GROUP: WE GOTTA SEND SANTA CLAUS BACK TO THE
       RESCUE MISSION
       CHRISTMAS DON'T MAKE IT NO MORE
       DON'T YOU KNOW THAT MURDER & DESTRUCTION
       SCREAM THE TOYS IN EVERY STORE
FRANK: (Think this'll sell in New York?)
       THERE'S A MAN WHO RUNS THE COUNTRY
       THERE'S A MAN WHO TRIED TO THINK
       AND THEY'RE ALL MADE OUT OF PLASTIC
       WHEN THEY MELT THEY START TO STINK
       THERE'S A BOOK WITH SMILING CHILDREN
GROUP: NEARLY DEAD WITH CHRISTMAS JOYS!
FRANK: AND SMILING IN HIS OFFICE
GROUP: IS THE CREEP WHO MAKES THE TOYS...
FRANK: (We got this car: when it hits the wall you see the guy
       dying...got the little plastic puddles of blood...)
RAY: I'M DREAMING...
GROUP: (mumbling free association) Plastic intestines you can
              stuff back in his stomach . . . I've got bombs. I've got
              rockets, I've got a stilson wrench & plastic brass
              knuckles; plastic tape recorder & sound effects . . . I've
              got a '39 Chevvy . . .

EPISODE 4: "SON OF SUZY CREAMCHEESE"

(1:33)
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH MAMA, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
             SUZY YOU WERE SUCH A SWEETIE
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: ONCE YOU WERE MY ONE & ONLY
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: BLEW YOUR MIND ON TOO MUCH KOOL-
             AID
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: TOOK MY STASH & LEFT ME LONELY
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH BABY, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
ROY: YEA-YEA-YEA-YEA-YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH MAMA, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
             GOT TO FIND MY SUZY CREAMCHEESE
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: THINK I'LL GO AND START MY CAR
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: REALLY DIG HER; SHE'S SO FREAKY
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: HEARD THE HEAT KNOWS WHERE YOU
             ARE
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH BABY, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
ROY: YEA-YEA-YEA-YEA-YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH MAMA, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
             CRUISED THE STRIP & WENT TO
             CANTER'S
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE, PLEASE COME
             HOME
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: VITO SAYS SHE SPLIT FOR BERKELEY
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: PROTEST MARCHING STYROFOAM
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH BABY, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
ROY: YEA-YEA-YEA-YEA-YEAH!
FRANK & RAY: SUZY CREAMCHEESE
             OH MAMA, NOW...
             WHAT'S GOT INTO YA?
GROUP: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
       YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
       YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
       YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

EPISODE 5: "BROWN SHOES DON'T MAKE IT"

(7:26)
GROUP: BROWN SHOES
       DON'T MAKE IT
       BROWN SHOES
       DON'T MAKE IT
       QUIT SCHOOL
       WHY FAKE IT?
       BROWN SHOES
       DON'T MAKE IT...
RAY: TV DINNER BY THE POOL
ROY: WATCH YOUR BROTHER GROW A BEARD
JIM: GOT ANOTHER YEAR OF SCHOOL
RAY: YOU'RE OKAY--HE'S TOO WEIRD
FRANK & RAY: BE A PLUMBER
             HE'S A BUMMER
             HE'S A BUMMER
             EVERY SUMMER
RAY: BE A LOYAL PLASTIC ROBOT FOR A WORLD THAT
     DOESN'T CARE...
FRANK: SMILE AT EVERY UGLY
       YADA YADA YADA
RAY: SHINE ON YOUR SHOES & CUT YOUR HAIR
FRANK: BE A JOIK
GROUP: AND GO T' WOIK
FRANK: BE A JOIK
GROUP: AND GO T' WOIK
FRANK: BE A JOIK
GROUP: AND GO T' WOIK
FRANK: BE A JOIK
GROUP: AND GO T' WOIK
FRANK: DO YOUR JOB & DO IT RIGHT
GROUP: LIFE'S A BALL
FRANK: TV TONIGHT...
FRANK & RAY: DO YOU LOVE IT?
             DO YOU HATE IT?
             THERE IT IS...
             THE WAY YOU MADE IT...
GROUP: YARRRRRRRRRRRGH-H-H!
FRANK, RAY & ROY: A WORLD OF SECRET HUNGERS
                  PERVERTING THE MEN WHO MAKE
                  YOUR LAWS
                  EVERY DESIRE IS HIDDEN AWAY
FRANK: IN A DRAWER...IN A DESK
       BY A NAUGAHYDE CHAIR
       ON A RUG WHERE THEY WALK AND DROOL
       PAST THE GIRLS IN THE OFFICE
RAY: HRATCHE-PLCHE
     HRATCHE-PLCHE
     HRATCHE-PLCHE
     HRATCHE-PLCHE
FRANK: WE SEE IN THE BACK OF THE CITY HALL MIND
       THE DREAM OF A GIRL ABOUT THIRTEEN
       OFF WITH HER CLOTHES AND INTO A BED
       WHERE SHE TICKLES HIS FANCY ALL NIGHT
       LONNNNNNNNNG
       HIS WIFE'S ATTENDING AN ORCHID SHOW
       SHE SQUEALED FOR A WEEK TO GET HIM TO GO
FRANK, RAY & ROY: BUT BACK IN THE BED, HIS TEEN-
                  AGE QUEEN
FRANK: IS ROCKING & ROLLING & ACTING OBSCENE
RAY: BABY BABY
     HRATCHE-PLCHE  HRATCHE-PLCHE
     BABY BABY
     HRATCHE-PLCHE  HRATCHE-PLCHE
     AND HE LOVES IT! HE LOVES IT! IT CURLS UP HIS
     TOES
     SHE BITES HIS FAT NECK AND IT LIGHTS UP HIS
     NOSE
     BUT HE CANNOT BE FOOLED, OLD CITY HALL FRED
     SHE'S NASTY! SHE'S NASTY! SHE DIGS IT IN BED!
(THE ORCHESTRA SOCKS IT TO YOU)
RAY: DO IT AGAIN AND DO IT SOME MORE
     THAT DOES IT BY GOLLY, IT'S NASTY FOR SURE
     NASTY NASTY NASTY, NASTY NASTY NASTY
FRANK: (only thirteen and she knows how to nasty...)
FRANK, RAY & ROY: SHE'S A DIRTY YOUNG MIND
                  CORRUPTED, CORRODED
                  WELL SHE'S THIRTEEN TODAY
                  AND I HEAR SHE GETS LOADED
FRANK: P-PUM-M-MUM-M-MUM-M-MUM
       P-PUM-M-MUM-M-MUM-M-MUM
       P-BUM
FRANK: IF SHE WERE MY DAUGHTER, I'D...
SUZY CREAMCHEESE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO DADDY? FRANK: IF SHE WERE MY DAUGHTER, I'D...
SUZY CREAMCHEESE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO DADDY? FRANK: IF SHE WERE MY DAUGHTER, I'D...
SUZY CREAMCHEESE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO DADDY? GROUP: SMOTHER MY DAUGHTER IN CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND STRAP HER ON AGAIN, OH BABY! SMOTHER THAT GIRL IN CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND STRAP HER ON AGAIN FRANK: SHE'S A TEEN-AGE BABY AND SHE TURNS ME ON I'D LIKE TO MAKE HER DO A NASTY ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN GROUP: GONNA SMOTHER THAT GIRL IN CHOCOLATE SYRUP--AND BOOGIE TILL THE COWS COME HOME RAY: TIME TO GO HOME--MADGE IS ON THE PHONE FRANK: GOTTA MEET THE GURNEY'S AND A DOZEN GREY ATTORNEYS JIM: TV DINNER BY THE POOL I'M SO GLAD I FINISHED SCHOOL GROUP: LIFE IS SUCH A BALL I RUN THE WORLD FROM CITY HALL! FRENETIC MOTRICITY FRENETIC MOTRICITY

EPISODE 6: "AMERICA DRINKS & GOES HOME"

(2:43)
RAY: Here's a special request...hope you'll enjoy it!
     I TRIED TO FIND         I DON'T REGRET
     HOW MY HEART            HAVING MET
     COULD BE SO BLIND,      UP WITH A GIRL WHO
     DEAR                    BREAKS HEARTS
     HOW COULD I BE FOOLED   LIKE THEY WERE
     JUST LIKE THE REST      NOTHING AT ALL
     YOU CAME ON STRONG      I'VE DONE IT TOO
     WITH YOUR FAST CAR      AND I KNOW
     AND YOUR CLASS RING     JUST WHAT IT FEELS
     SOFT VOICE AND YOUR     LIKE
     SAD EYES                AND
     I FELL FOR THE WHOLE    JUST LIKE I SAID
     THING                   THERE'S NO REGRETS
   . . . Well, it's about time to close . . . I hope you've had
      as much fun as we have. Don't forget the jam session
      Sunday . . . MANDY TENSION will be by, playing his
      xylophone troupe. It's really been a lot of fun. Monday
      night is the dance contest night: THE TWIST CONTEST
      . . . we're gonna give away peanut butter & jelly & ba-
      loney samwiches for all of ya. IT REALLY HAS BEEN
      FUN. I hope we've played your requests . . . the songs
      you like to hear . . . LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL! Drink
      it up, folks. Wonnerful. Nice to see you, Bob . . . how's
      it goin'? How's the kids? Wonnerful. Nice to see ya. Yes.
      BILL BAILEY? Oh . . . we'll get to that tomorrow night.
      Yeah. CARAVAN (with a drum sola)? Right. Yeah . . . 
      we'll do that. Wonnerful. Nice to see you again. Yeah.
     LA LA LA LA LAH-H-H-H!
     DOWN AT THE POMPADOUR A-GO-GO
     LA LA LA LA LAH-H-H-H!
     VO DO DEE OH PEE PEE
     SHOOBE DOOT-N-DAH-DAH-DAH
     YA DA DA-A-A-A-H-H-H-H-H!
     NA NYA DA DA DA DA DAH-H-H-H-H-H!
     Nite all.
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